Outstanding

I won't fall out of love really, I couldn't be bothered, besides I don't think I can at this point. Day after day after day I keep on convincing myself you're just not the right fit for me, I try to silently explain to my feelings that there's no place for them in real life, where you're there and I'm here and only two inches are tearing us apart. I've never been so close to anyone, I've never felt something as real as this: you're there, I see you yet I can't have you., I smell you, I can almost touch you. Sometimes I even dare to, but I have to cover that up with a lot of gesture so you don't find out that my skin next to your skin feel so good I could cry. And then I start to tremble and words don't seem to come to mind, and you think I'm stupid and that's just another reason to cry.
I go back to my house and I sit on my bed, I start to imagine what it'd be like if you actually didn't have her. I think, by now, I'd have already made a move. Or maybe I care too much to do that, to risk losing whatever it is that we have now, which isn't just a friendship, is so much more than that.
The truth is I can't hide reality, the truth is I 'm too much of a coward to admit what I feel. The truth is I know you don't care because you're life's much more normal than mine and you rejoice in the happiness I'm not even close to finding. The truth is I hate you for everything that you are, and I love you for all the things you're not. Honestly, I blame you for my miseries and so, I trust you'll put me out of it. It's up to you to figure out how.


Mademoiselle Juliettè,
Just give me five minutes, or possibly ten.