Herencias

Ese seudo poder y la sensación de importancia pueden llamar la atención, pero nunca perduran.
Quisiste subirte a un tren para llegar a un lugar. Nunca llegaste y no te pensás bajar, y a la larga se vuelve triste. Triste que sigas usando las mismas excusas, las mismas credenciales, los mismos nombres, las mismas respuestas. Es triste que creas que sos lo que él era.
No se hereda la convicción, no se hereda el sentido común, la humildad, la inteligencia. Pero eso vos nunca lo vas a entender.


Julieta.

I was wrong

For you I was a groupie, I was a brainwashed doll, a 50s housewife
I left my  family, my friends, running after your meaningless ideals
and now I regret every second, now I see just how wrong I’ve been.

Even as I kissed you and told you that I loved you, I knew
in the back of my mind, I can do better than someone like you
I can do better than crying myself to sleep and living blue.

I should have never revisited the idea of you, I shouldn’t have fallen again
because where was once a giggle and a memory now there’s a broken heart
and where there was hope there’s now disaster, and a girl who cries for help

is there anybody out there who can save her from herself?

Juliet. 

Duele

Duele y no sé que hacer, duele y esta vez no te quiero llamar
todo lo que sos no lo necesito, pero no puedo despegarme de vos
y te pienso, te siento, te recuerdo, sueño que te toco y que te tengo
te veo aunque no estás, te quiero aunque vos nunca me quisiste de verdad.

Desperdicio lo poco que tengo, lo poco que soy en buscarte a vos
vos que no merecés ni un cuarto de lo que te puedo dar
porque quise darte todo y tu mejor respuesta fue hacerme llorar
y decirme que es mi culpa amar tanto a alguien que no sabe amar.

 
Nunca me habían odiado así, nunca me habían tratado tan mal              
y si algo aprendí de todo este horror es a no dejarme pisar
nunca fuiste suficiente, todo lo bueno de vos lo invento mi imaginación.



Juliet.

I don't even remember your face

Your hand left a mark on my shoulder
there are mascara stains on your pillow case
our paths crossed once and that won’t be easy to erase.

I can still hear you call my name, all alone at your place
wine and cheese, videogames and TV
a life of things that only mean something to you and me.

I wore your t-shirts and your pants,           
we shared sheets, kisses, coffee, schemes
and now I’m left to mourn what you threw away.

Every day the same routine, you play hard to get
while I cry, beg and make a fool of myself
because you only like it when I bleed
because I only like it if you stay, and this time you didn’t. This time you ran away.

Juliet.

Futures like Chicago

I miss you and it hurts like hell. I miss you and my eyes bleed from the cliché. I miss you and it's all so dramatic that it turns pathetic if you listen closer.

I could say that I just cannot breathe, that living is not living without you, but in a few weeks I'll forget your face and these words would be vain, so what exactly can I say?

My sanity is taking my psyche's right to be in pain, and I'm left with this numbness I can't begin to explain. Who are you? Where am I?

Loving you I was sad, impotent, defenceless, but living without you is a 24/7 out of body experience. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm bored. I want to move on already.

Why can't I? Watch me. Let me.



Juliet.

Racing again

Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined myself here, wondering how you're doing, writing an ode to your green eyes and the memories of what we never really had.

I went back to the thought of you by walking down the wrong path for a while. Now I just like walking past your front door and imagining just how much more extreme it would be with you.

I will never understand what happened, I hope I can hear the truth from you. Back then I felt so used, but after so many years that's a feeling I've got accustomed to.

Whatever happens, I've learned my lesson. I can play with you for a while, though, just like when we were twelve and red was our favorite color.


Juliet.

Blue, out of the blue

Oh I lied, yes, of course I did.
I thought I had forgotten
I thought it had never happened
but the truth is, some things you can't erase.

So one chord and I'm there again
blue, out of the blue, struggling to understand
I dream of being happy
and wake up without you here.


Juliet.

Losing it

I wish I could change this, but I can't. And it's happening again. But there's a limit to every heart and this is mine.
You're not even there, you have never been there. You only pretend to listen, pretend to understand and then walk away. Although this time you've walked a little further, and the distance I cannot bear.
I don't understand your words, your promises from past times. Why would someone say something they don't mean? It doesn't make sense to me.
I have never been misleading, I have never ever lied because I can't. And as a prize I get to cry my foolishness away.
Nothing... works. I used to believe in things and now, now my thoughts are a far cry from reality and this is a world I don't know how to live in.
You came in, changed the game, wrote your own rules and made me play. You took the money and ran away, so pathetically unfair.
How am I supposed to trust again? When everything I used to love doesn't even exist.

And the sad part is, I still want you back.



Juliet.

El único

Siempre vas a ser mi único amor de verdad, porque nunca te tuve, porque entre nosotros nunca nada va a pasar.
Y siempre vas a ser vos, puro, lejano, estéril, lienzo en blanco. Y siempre voy a ser yo, llena de colores que nunca vas a ver.
A veces te pienso, otras te siento, pero verte es lo que más me duele, porque en mi mente no existimos ambos en el mismo ambiente.
Un día respiraste mi aire, un día te deje mirarme. Nunca volvimos a ser lo mismo.


Juliet.

Another Broken Promise

I know I promised I'd never come back
but promises, as I know well, are made to be broken
because nothing lasts forever
because we're all going to end.

My fingers can travel and move back and forth
but the cliché I'm creating never ceases, never stops
and I feel sorry for myself, for my words
I feel very sorry for you and me both.



Juliet.

Roba vidas

A costas de mi vida, de mis palabras, de mi libertad de expresión hiciste lo que era más conveniente para vos.
Y me dejaste en evidencia ante todos, solamente por haberte dicho que no.
No sé si llamarte vil, quizá un tanto egoista, por haber creído que volvería al primer golpe de vista.
Pero yo no soy más esa nena impresionable, mientras que vos seguís siendo el mismo roba vidas.



JJ

From another life

He asked what time it was and I said nine o cock

I thought it was quite funny but he didn't seem to get it

and the light was oh so sad, the little creatures of the night

make us feel so nasty, we just need a place to crash.

Can you see the moon from here, can you see the sun?

their forces cannot touch us as we break and fall apart
and I'm not one to sit around and cry
but do you see a solution? do you see a way out?

You touched my arm and I just laughed
dreams become reality
once, this seemed so far.


JJ

Lost and found

I knew this need, this urgency, this feeling would come back. I knew that I would find the words when I found something to word about.

It's been months. I've missed the smell of the paper and the way the blue ink shines everytime it catches the light. I've missed the clicking sound of the keyboard keys and the carpal-tunnel of art.

How do I explain to my muses everything that's changed and how it's changed? I lack the strength to go through it all over again, even when retelling it's way too much to bear.

I thought I was someone else for a while, until I found myself in this common place, once again. Now I understand I've been hiding from the person I always should have been.

There used to be, in my words, a taste of past times and long lost illusions. Now there's only future because I've found the joy in today, I'm home, I don't need to run anymore.


JJ

New and improved

It can't be that hard, but seconds later my heart starts to race and I think about doing something else. But doing something else would mean giving up on this, for now, and then eventually, for ever.
And giving up on it for ever is something I always fantasized with, an idea I used to play with, knowing my brain would never let me put it into practice. Knowing it wasn't even possible for my system to go by without something like that.
Now,  however, it just seems so real, it's almost there, I can feel the taste of a life without it in the tip of my tongue. And it tastes bitter, and it's a life I don't want to live anymore.
So here I am, going against everything I know to find the person I know I am. I'm facing my biggest demons and my darkest secrets, I'm enduring the most terrible of pains just to get this off of my chest.
This doesn't mean that I'm back. I'm will never really be "back", mainly because I'm not who I used to be. But it does mean that I'm ready to rediscover what this gift is all about, and to face this part of myself.



JJ

Buena suerte y hasta luego

Quiero decir tantas cosas sobre vos que termino suspirando en silencio.
Y es que tus ojos me dejan así, sin palabras, casi sin energía.
Me pregunto hasta donde es algo bueno y hasta donde es algo malo que esto que no es nada a mi me parezca tanto, pero si me sigo preguntando lo mismo sé que no voy a llegar a ningún lado.
Lo que necesito es de tu boca una confirmación, una palabra, una demostración.
No te quiero pedir nada mas quiero todo de vos, pero no me lo vas a dar y me parece que esto no es para mí.
El último beso ya fue, y lo que viste de mi fue todo lo que vas a ver. No tengo ganas de que me lastimen, no tengo ganas de llorar por alguien que no siente ni quiere dejarse caer.


Juliet

Algo que no te pedi

Me diste algo que no te pedi. Sin avisarme, sin preguntarme, sin considerar mis deseos, sin medir consecuencias.

Lo que sabías, lo contaste. Y lo que no, lo adivinaste y lo contaste también. A oscuras lograste distinguir cada figura, cada sombra, y terminaste reproduciendo toda mi realidad.

Pero si así termina todo, entiendo que esa sea tu decisión. Y es difícil hacer frente a una decisión ya tomada.

Juliet

Lowered expectations

We never talk about feelings.
You never tell me I look good, I don't know what you think of my hair or the way I move. You never said you like my style, my kisses, my legs, the music I listen to.
I don't know anything about what goes on in your mind every time we're together, or while we're apart.
Maybe you do not have an opinion, maybe it's all the same to you. Maybe I'm not half as important as I want to be for you. And that's the part that bothers me.
No, not you, me. Because I allowed myself to have expectations, and I shouldn't have.
Someone like me doesn't deserve to have expectations.


Juliet